Sunday, July 15, 2012 is a day I hope I don't soon forget..and I hope to have more days like it! I went to church after having a week of a couple bad days, struggling with kids, household, feelings of not being what I want to be. Saturday was a really strange day. I was EXHAUSTED!! I could not find the motivation or energy to do much of anything! I thought a couple times that Satan was at work in my life. I prayed for strength, but didn't feel it.
We have been watching a video series as a church during Sunday School by Jim Cymbala about the Holy Spirit. I started reading Francis Chan's book, "Forgotten God." (I don't like that I read books, but don't remember much right after reading.) Wow! Our church (not just Ebenfeld, but the church as a whole!) needs the Holy Spirit to move. I thought of our church and me, how we go every Sunday, but do we really listen to what is preached? (it's hard with kids to really listen) Do we go out and do what is commanded to us in the Bible? We show up on Sunday, sit through the service, hopefully connect with God (which we can do any day), but do we connect with each other? Do we use that time to really encourage one another? I don't always feel that when I go to church, except from our Pastor couple, Gaylord and Peggy, who always offer smiles and hugs.
This Sunday when getting into groups to discuss the video during Sunday School, I talked, I shared about the feeling of wanting the Holy Spirit to move within our church. I don't always talk much, mostly because my brain is full and I can't think enough to say anything. During the Worship Service, I felt the Holy Spirit as we were singing. The last song really spoke to me, "Take My Life."
Take my life and let it be
Consecrated Lord to Thee
Take my moments, and my days
Let them flow in ceaseless praise
Take my hands, and let them move
At the impulse of Thy Love
Take my feet, and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee
Take my voice and let me sing
Always only for my King
Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee
Take my silver and my gold
Not a mite would I withhold
Take my intellect and use
Every power as you choose
Take my will and make it Thine
It shall be no longer mine
Take my heart it is Thine own
It shall be Thy royal throne
Take my love, my Lord I pour
At your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
Ever only all for Thee
Chorus: Here am I all of me
Take my life it's all for Thee
The tears started coming, I raised my hands, not caring who saw. I let the words speak to me. I also disobeyed when I felt God telling me to go forward to the front. What would people think of me? Do I want to be that vulnerable? I even stayed put when I felt my feet trying to move out of the pew! I couldn't do something that other people don't do.
Our church has a sharing and prayer time every Sunday. I got up and talked, I believe the Holy Spirit spoke through me. I don't remember what all I said. I cried, I shared about struggling with kids and life. I think I said a few times, through tears, how we need the Holy Spirit. I wish the service would have been recorded because it would be nice to know what was said through my lips!
After the prayer, I had to take Alana and April to the bathroom, duty as a mother and a dad that does sound and has to stay in the service. I also checked on Abi in the nursery. When the girls and I were going back up, Dean had come down and said I needed to get back upstairs cause they were talking about me.
More of the story, the way God works. A woman that used to be a part of the Ebenfeld community was there with her 2 daughters and 2 grand-daughters. I think this was part of God's plan. I guess the oldest daughter had been talking while I was downstairs. I don't know what she said, but wish I could have heard it. Her mom, Kathy Davis, was talking when I came up. Pretty soon, she asked if I was back and told me to come to the front cause she wanted to give me a hug. We stood at the front of the church, and she talked to me like nobody else was there. It was powerful! Somebody asked me after the service what our connection was. The only connection is that we are daughters of the King!
What a powerful time! I hope I don't forget it and that others don't forget it either. If God can use me, a usually soft-spoken person, he can use all of us no matter where you are in life. I have not been the best Christian lately. I find it hard to remember to pray and to study the Word. I get busy with life with 4 young kids. I get frustrated and stressed, and forget to ask the Lord to come alongside and do life with me. I also don't ask for help from other believers. I think I should be able to do it on my own. Kathy encouraged me to reach out to others in our church when I need to. That is what we are to do. We don't have to go through life on our own. Sometimes with 4 kids ages 7, 5, 3, and 1 it seems like I don't have time or energy to reach out to others. I barely have time to take a shower! I don't have much to talk about besides life with kids and other people don't always want to hear about that.
Well, that is all I can think to type right now....and I smell a diaper that needs changing!
May we call on the Holy Spirit to live in us and follow His leading in our lives!!